Confidence for what is to come

Sarah Kühne looks contentedly at her school-leaving certificate, which hangs framed in the living room. Graduating from secondary school last summer was a milestone. "I cried with joy, and my mum was very proud," the 41-year-old recalls of receiving her certificate. Nobody would have expected that ten years ago, least of all herself.

"Emotionally unstable personality disorder" was the diagnosis Sarah Kühne received at the age of 14 in a paediatric and adolescent psychiatric clinic. "I argued, lied and stole. I was unruly and rebellious," she recalls. The youth welfare office placed the girl in a residential group because she could no longer cope with her parents at home. Sarah Kühne dropped out of her training as a child carer in her second year. "I shut myself off from everything and everyone." When she got her first flat of her own, things finally went downhill. She was 18 years old at the time.

Sarah Kühne realised that she couldn't go on like this and moved into a women's residential group at Haus Afrika in Bielefeld-Bethel, where she initially settled in well. The problem was the nights, as there was no round-the-clock care. "The carousel of thoughts started at night. That's when I needed someone to talk to." The residential facility on Saronweg with 24-hour care seemed to be a better alternative. Borderline personality disorder, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder - her mental illnesses had the young woman firmly in their grip. Sarah Kühne developed a tendency to run away: "I got on trains and travelled aimlessly. Suddenly I was in Hamburg, for example, and no longer knew how and why I had ended up in a foreign city."

Her mental health supposedly improved when she began inpatient pain therapy. She was treated in a clinic for several herniated discs and was given sleeping pills, sedatives and painkillers. With this medication, the patient was finally able to relax, sleep and let go of her anxiety. The transition to addiction was gradual. "After discharge, it was easy to get hold of the medication. I kept seeing different doctors one by one. That became my daily task. "However, as she had to keep increasing the dose to achieve the desired effect, it became increasingly difficult. "I was afraid of slipping into drug-related crime and sought help." The now 29-year-old found help at the Antoni-Kepinski House, a residential centre for people with addictions in Bielefeld-Eckardtsheim.

"For me, Eckardtsheim was in the middle of nowhere," says the Bethel client with a smile. But it was precisely this peace and tranquillity that did her good. She had reached a turning point. Things were finally looking up: Sarah Kühne developed trust in her colleagues and was ready to accept support. She spent a lot of time outdoors, started running and became involved in voluntary work. Moving into a shared flat with outpatient care was an important step towards independence.

Today, Sarah Kühne lives with her hamster "Krümel" in a flat in the city and receives intensive support from Bethel. She has been abstinent for eleven years. "There will be difficult phases throughout my life," she knows, "but with support, they are manageable." For this reason, she continues to have regular appointments at the clinic for psychiatry and psychotherapy at the Evangelical hospital Bethel, whose services she has already accepted several times during severe crises.

Her A-levels course starts next month. The 41-year-old already knows what career direction she wants to take afterwards: "I want to study social work." She has received a lot of help in her life, for which she is grateful. In future, Sarah Kühne wants to be there for people who need support.

Text: Christina Heitkämper | Picture: Matthias Cremer